


Another Change before Christmas

by mindinmarianatrench



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8956036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindinmarianatrench/pseuds/mindinmarianatrench
Summary: When Cas decided to change, will it be for the better or worse?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Winter fic challenge by @i-forgot-adam
> 
> Prompt: You’ve Changed
> 
> Other inspirations: Dark Destiel prompt, Forgive Me – Evanescence (and I found a destiel vid!!!) https://youtu.be/WHj2zv2B-6o

Spring

The three of them miraculously managed to clean up two nests of vampires with barely a scratch on them. So, Dean decided that they needed to celebrate with copious amounts of alcohol and they ended up at the bar near the bunker. Cas couldn’t find it in himself to smile even if they were supposed to be celebrating though. Sam was already out cold, after foolishly challenging to out drink Cas. Meanwhile, Dean was still making out with the waitress at the other end of the bar. It will probably end up with another one night stand. Again. For the past few weeks it’s been a constant streams of another woman, another of Dean sleeping the night out, another stab of pain in Cas’s heart.

Summer

Ambriel’s words kept replaying in Cas’s mind lately, a burning wildfire across his soul. He knew she was wrong, he might be expendable to the Heavens but never to the Winchesters. It doesn’t matter he was not the hero, to them, he was family. And yet… Why wasn’t that enough? Why would he felt that he needed something more, especially from Dean? It didn’t make any sense to Cas, maybe he was changed and no longer like the angel he was before the Fall, but he’s still an angel… Just minus the wings. He should not feel something to that degree, of need, of darkness, he didn’t think that was possible. Dean Winchester, what have the man done to him?

The spell he found was a godsend for Cas. Excising most of his feelings, especially his desire for Dean had made everything more bearable. No more pain whenever he saw the hickeys on Dean’s body. He no longer felt the desire to smite the women Dean slept with while Cas watched over Dean when he’s sleeping. Before finding the spell, Cas had seriously considered leaving the Winchesters for good. Sam had noticed his increasing erratic behavior and Dean had on many occasions asked him to tone down his aggressiveness during the hunts. And Cas had started to wonder whether it was a matter of time before the aggression would be turned towards the brothers.

Autumn

Cas sat on the grassy patch next to the lake, his arms circling his knees, and watched the moon. If he still had his wings, he would’ve chosen to sit on the moon that night. Anywhere to put the distance between him and the Winchesters. He thought with the spell, everything would be fine and he could always be by their side. By Dean’s side. He didn’t realize that they noticed his remoteness. That they did everything short of asking him outright to figure out what was wrong with him. And when they found out what he did to himself, but thankfully not the why, they got so angry with him.

Are you out of your mind, Cas! You think we wouldn’t notice you went into robot-mode on us? I told you, don’t ever change. You’ve changed, Cas, and every time you changed, you’ve changed for the worse. On and on it went. Sure, Dean’s harsh words no longer hurt him and Sam did his best to mediate like always, but that confrontation still made Cas want to chuck his self-imposed duty of protecting the Winchesters and just chase after the bees for forever.

Winter

Cas hesitated at the bunker door. It’s been awhile since he’s been there. He had heard every prayer from those two asking him to come back. He didn’t, even when he was there for most of the hunts the Winchesters had during that time. They didn’t realize Cas was there, of course, and he rarely interfered but he just wanted to protect them. He would’ve stayed away, he felt more comfortable protecting them from the shadows now, but it’ll be Christmas soon. And it felt wrong not to celebrate it with his family. The bunker looked the same, just like it was when he left. Dean didn’t even throw out any of Cas’s belongings. Dean and Sam were not there, they were at a nearby town, according to the GPS locator. Maybe Cas could use that time to decorate the bunker with some of the Christmas decorations that they found last year.

When the brothers came back, Sam was the one who realized that Cas was in the bunker, since Dean was passed out drunk and had to be carried in. Sam looked both happy and relieved to see him. So far so good. After an awkward hug, Cas helped Sam to carry Dean to his room. But as Cas tried to take off Dean’s shoes, Sam sprinted out and locked Cas in Dean’s room. Leaving Cas alone with an unconscious and shoeless Dean. It wasn’t like Cas couldn’t blast his way out of the room, he just didn’t think Dean would be happy with him if he did that. So Cas did what he did best, watching over Dean as he sleep and comforted him when it seemed like he was having nightmares.

Cas, I’m sorry! Don’t go, don’t leave me, Cas! Images of Cas letting Dean go at Purgatory. I didn’t mean what I said, Cas… Please, please come back. Images of Dean punching Cas while under the influence of Mark of Cain. No matter how much you changed, you are still my Castiel. Images of Castiel on their night at the brothel. And I’ll love you until I’m dust. I don’t think I can do this without you, Cas. And more and more images of Cas from the day they met until the day Cas left the bunker.

When Dean settled down, Cas phoned Sam and demanded him to open Dean’s door. He needed to get out. Being that near to Dean, Cas could ‘hear’ his dream and it was breaking Cas’s heart, even while under the spell. Sam reluctantly unlocked the door and Cas made a beeline towards the spell room. From his memory, he grabbed all the ingredients needed to undo the spell from the shelves, threw everything in the bowl and started undoing the spell. Sam, who was watching Cas worryingly suddenly looked alarmed just as Cas himself felt the wetness under his nose. Blood. Blood was dripping from his nose and suddenly, everything went black for Cas.

When Cas came to consciousness, Dean was sleeping while sitting on the floor, head on the bed and his hand clasping Cas’s right hand. Sam was reading a book on the floor on the opposite side. Looking at both of them, Cas truly felt that he was home at last. Excising his feelings did make the pain go but it also took all these warm feelings as well. Dean squeezed his hand before opening his eyes and when he did, he just stared at Cas. Cas stared right back into the green eyes. From the corner of their eyes, they could see Sam trying to tiptoe out but he was still like a bull, a moose in a china shop. After Sam left, Cas gave Dean tiny kisses on his face whispering I-love-yous, I-forgave-yous and his own apologies. Dean hugged Cas tightly and though he denied it later, Dean really did cry and sob for a moment.

It was one of the memorable Christmas for Team Free Will. Dean showed off his culinary skills, Cas his decorating skills and Sam his singing. They had a lot of things to celebrate for that year. Being alive to celebrate it again that year was one, getting back together was another. Turducken dinner aside, Sam did his best not to be a third wheel but Cas and Dean were taking none of the excuses and told him it wouldn’t feel like home without him. Of course, by midnight, Sam left anyway trying to scrub the images of his brother blushing and smiling bashfully at Cas off his mind.


End file.
